I love old things.....

I was at my mother-in-laws for dinner one night last fall and mentioned that

I would like an old rotary dial phone.

Preferrably a light blue....who knew she would walk out to the back room and hand me this exact phone.

Somebody gave it to my father-in-law and he brought it home. When I asked why he gave it to him she said she didn't know. He is a bit of a hoarder so I guess people just give him random things.

Whatever the reason I am now the proud owner of this phone and here is what I can tell you about it.

It makes me talk less and really focus on the person I am speaking with.

I can't wash dishes. I can't reach the computer. I can't take a bath or take care of other bathroom duties.

I can't take the dog out or drive the car.

It doesn't fit in my pocket.

It makes me slow down.

It makes me listen deeper.

It makes me spend less time on the phone.

You only want to be connected to that cord for so long.

It's good.

Very good.

I think our world is just too much sometimes.

Kids dying because they are reading or typing a text and get in an accident.

There is no reason for this.

Just because we can talk in the car doesn't mean we should.

I am working hard at making my car a no phone zone.

What happened to the days when we did one thing at a time.

I long to create a more simple life.

To eat vegetables I grow.

To make jam with berries I pick.

To just sit and talk on the phone for 15 minutes and really listen to the person on the other end.

How about you?

On another note:

If you wondered where I disappeared to....................

 I happened to leave my laptop in a precarious spot and it happened to take a tumble and then it had to go spend some time with the nice people at Geek Squad. Then I lost the diamond in my wedding ring - a week before our 20th wedding anniversary. Then Scott hit a deer and came about $500 shy of totaling the car. Heidi and Lilly and I were in the car and it was pretty scary. So grateful we are fine. I also found out some disturbing news about somebody that had been a lifelong friend. Then my teenager made some very bad choices. All the while I painted nearly every single day since February 12 at our new house which is getting very close to being ready for us to move in!!!!!! So that is the very short version of the very long story of why I have not shared on the blog in several weeks.

I have not forgotten you.

Not a chance.

Stay tuned for a visual tour of my dream home in progress....

Drink Pepsi

Is it possible to have decorating overload?

Is it possible to to have a newly discovered but very serious disease called decorating ADD?

Is it possible to paint your new living room for the third time?

Is it possible that spring is right around the corner?

Yes, all of this is true. I have not forgotten this little blog
 or my readers.

I have just been 6 foot up on a ladder with a roller in one hand and a cup of chai in the other.

Either that or sound asleep. Those are pretty much my two speeds right now. In between those
 two options you might be able to spot me at Lowe's.

We actually hung up the first thing at the new house yesterday.
 A vintage pepsi sign from an old cafe'/deli that I loved called Sadie D's
.
I use to love this sandwich she served called 'Apple of My Eye'. Multi grain bread, mustard, thinly sliced smoked turkey, Granny Smith apple and cheddar cheese with a little lettuce too.
YUM.

I drooled over this old Pepsi sign many a time.
 One day the cafe' closed. I was sad.
I wondered about the Pepsi sign.
Where did it go?
I wanted it.
In time I moved on and let it go and actually forgot about it.
Until................driving to town one day there was a big yard sale with stuff everywhere.
The kind where you almost get in an accident because you are rubbernecking to
see if you should stop or not.
You know what I'm talking about.
that I spotted it..............................THE PEPSI SIGN.
I screamed so loud that I scared my husband. I stopped so quickly I nearly snapped his neck.
 Good thing he loves me.
And good thing he had $175 dollars tucked away in his wallet and parted with it so I could have this:

That was right before we started building our new house (FOUR years ago!) I had it stored out in the garage thinking it wouldn't be long until we could hang it up in our beautiful new kitchen. After about a year I hauled it into our current house and hung it up in the dining room. Partly because I wanted to look at it and partly because I wanted it to motivate me to dream that the new house really would happen.

Last night we took it off the wall, took it to the new house and

HUNG IT UP IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!

See the top of that bench below the sign? I purchased that before we even broke ground too.

I fell in love with it at a local antique store and because we had the blueprints I was able to take measurements and see that it would fit just where I had envisioned it,

I bought it and it hung out in the garage with the Pepsi sign too.

When I hauled the Pepsi sign in the bench came with it.

They just go together.

And now they are at the new house just waiting on us to finish the painting.

Install a toilet or two, create a makeshift kitchen, clean the floors and move the beds,

the dishes, the dogs, the cats, the clothes and ourselves.

It won't be long.....2-3 weeks maybe.....

Can you believe it?

It is time. It is the perfect time.

Stay tuned...

LOTS more photos coming soooooooon.

Promise.

xo Kimberly

p.s. The photo is of our old house....wait till you see it in it's new home against a 50's vintage bluish/greenish/tuquoiseish color. A little darker than I usually paint but it works!

Stay tuned....I won't stay away so long this time so check back soon.

I'm. Still. Here.

This would have been day 13 of painting at the new house...IF I had actually gone there to paint.

Can you say meltdown?

I just couldn't get it together today to do anything. I can't seem to write three checks

and put them in envelopes with stamps and drive to the post office. I can't seem to tackle the dishes,

the laundry, the vacuum, the dinner. I can't seem to get the laptop off my lap.

I can't seem to stop drinking hot organic chai with creamy 1/2 and 1/2.

I can't seem to clear my mind.

Can you say overwhelm?

I am trying to be okay with just being still but this house is a mess and the new house isn't done and dreams are coming true very quickly. I didn't know that it was going to this hard.

It is tempting to think that you will suddenly be a different person when you are living your dreams.

But, NOPE....you are still just you.

I haven't forgotten about the happiness report...but today is not the day.

Stick with me tho, okay?

I'll be back with happy thoughts and pictures too.

xo

Happiness Report coming SOON!!!

I'm here.

I'm happy.

I'm hopeful.

I can feel the magic brewing.

I have decided to share my full happiness report after 48 hours instead of 24.

That would be tomorrow....sometime....who knows I might just shoot for a full 72 hours of happiness.

Watch out people, she's on a roll.....

But for right now I am knee deep in paint samples.

Maybe some people want a blue kitchen and they just go to the store and

choose 3 or 4 samples and pick from those.

NOT ME.

Not a chance. I have to pick around 50 (at least).

Then I have to see them in the day light, the natural light, candle light, night light.

Then I have to buy a small sample and paint it

on the wall to be sure.

You have to be sure.

It's a feeling I'm going for.

In this case I have painted huge leftover pieces of sheetrock and put them in the rooms

that may be painted that color.

It may be a sickness. I'm not sure but I KNOW I am not alone.

I find that comforting.

I have so much to say about happiness so please come back

very soon and I will tell you everything.

Going for the Happy

Today I am going for happiness.

I have had so much to do, so much stress...for soooooo long.

 I see the dreams coming true.

I should be ecstatic but I have been missing it because
I am overwhelmed/scared.

Believe it or not it is scary to have your dreams coming true.

Who knew?

After a long heart to heart with my soul sister last night we decided to just go for the happy.

I will report back later today about where I found happiness (hopefully with photos)

In the meantime I hope you follow happiness
wherever it leads you.

Think about this too:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech

My Girl

Just a Blip

This is my dog, Jack. Some breaking news about him at the end of this post. Keep Reading!

I was driving home last night and thinking about what makes me feel so connected to certain blogs and not so much to others. I guess this would be different for everyone but for me it is variety. I love a blog where sometimes I see what someone made for dinner, where they went for the day, something funny, something inspirational, a story about how they met their husband or how they decorated their child's bedroom. I like it when I feel like I really know this person and could meet up with them at the local cafe' and chat away like old friends. That is how I want people to feel about my blog and sometimes I'm not sure what my 'style' is. I am often shocked when I visit Google Analytics and see that people actually read my blog everyday. I feel insecure sometimes like what in the world do I really have to say that could be of any interest and what is the real purpose of a blog. I love to write but when I feel the pressure of it I sometimes stop liking it so much. When I write because I just need to get the thoughts and words out of my brain it feels really good. Of course my blog is for me in that way but the fact that it is not a journal on my nightstand makes me ask: What is the purpose of making my life so public. This then leads me back to the blogs of others and why I like them. What makes me return there day after day? This is what I realized: I like to know there are other woman that love what I love. I love that they live all over the country/world because it makes the world feel smaller and more connected. I like to know that others struggle and rejoice over the same things that I do. I love to see how each person puts their personal stamp on their blog and their life. Blogs make me feel less alone so that made me see that if my blog makes anyone feel less alone, makes them laugh, makes them think, inspires them to redecorate their bathroom or go so far as to adopt a child because they are moved by Lilly's story then it is worth spilling my guts on any topic that compells me a few times each week.

Here is what felt compelling to me last night. Making a list. A list of random facts about me and my life at this current moment.
* 3 out of my six family members have puked in the last 24 hours. Multiple times. *Edit: make that 4 out of 6
* My father makes me so sad with his lack of joy for simply being alive
* I am learning a lot about boundaries...where I can step away knowing I have done all that I can but still staying loving and compassionate. I find it is a fine art to balance things that feel opposite. Detached but connected.
* I can see the light at the end of the tunnel after 3 years of a financial crisis. I am not actually at the light and sometimes I still lay awake wondering how to keep my chin up just one more day. Then I look at my kids.
* Sometimes I wonder who I will be after this financial storm is over. I love to pay my bills and I love to pay them early. It has been very humbling to not be able to meet all of my obligations. It has made my husband consider suicide.
* It has threatened our marriage and our sanity
* I miss my Uncle Dick every single day. I can't believe he is gone and have to remind myself of this everytime I see his picture on the table by my couch. I can still hear his laugh like he is sitting right here reading over my shoulder.
* I had to borrow money (a lot) from people that I did not want to borrow it from. If you would have asked me prior to that moment I would have told you it was the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do. I did it for my kids.
* It makes me feel like my life will be under a microscope forever and even getting a pizza or seeing a movie will make me feel guilty.
* An opportunity to follow a life long dream has presented itself and of course the one thing I need I don't have...MONEY....so I find myself having to approach these people with an alternate solution. I have no idea what they will say and when I think about going to talk to them I feel really nervous. Nervous that they will say yes and nervous that they will say no. And knowing my life will really change if they say yes.
* I feel disonnected from my body a lot lately but the minute I go for a walk in nature I feel 'plugged in' again
* I miss Arizona. A LOT. Every.  Single.  Day.
* I feel such gratitude for my friends and family
* I want to turn the heat up right now but I don't feel like getting up from the couch.
* I love how I feel when I eat the Vegan diet. I find it hard to eat that way with three male meat eaters living in the same house. Eating animals sometimes tastes good to me but always makes me feel sad. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so 'awake'.
* I love summertime. Winter, not so much.
* I went to a memorial service the other day and realized that our life is just a blip on the radar screen of life. We can make it extraordinary but we don't have to. God gives us the raw material the rest is totally up to us.
* I hate sweet potatoes.
* I love to travel.
* I want to adopt more children. This time from Ethiopia. Haiti would be a possibility if that door opened up for us. My husband wants to adopt too. He is worried what his family will think. That doesn't even cross my mind. It's not the money he is worried about, it is the skin color. That makes me sad. And mad.  *Just to clarify: it is not him that is worried about race/skin color, he is worried what others will think. I think: WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK??? I am ebarrassed to be that close to ignorance and racism.
* I did a fundraiser to raise money for us and for others who are in the process of an adoption. I think there are some who might see me as crazy or unrealistic. They don't understand. They don't feel with my heart or think with my mind. That's fine with me. I am willing to look crazy for the sake of orphaned children. I don't lose a wink of sleep over that one.
* I have always have more laundry then I want to.
* I can't believe people expect the President to undo 8 years of a mess in 1 year.
* Haiti breaks my heart multiple times each day.
* Sometimes I think I could just drive away from everything I have ever known, taking my husband, my kids and my pets and letting the rest go and starting a while new life somewhere else.
* This list is getting kind of long.

So that's it for now. I just felt like putting the real me out there in blog land. It was fun to just write without any real censor or trying to make the different thoughts all connect. It was also freeing to not really know who is really reading this and what they might think about what I say. Turning 40 has been very liberating. I care about others more but care about what they think much less. Love that.

Remeber the breaking news about Jack the Dog??? Here it is: The most pressing thing I have to do today is renew Jack's dog license. I got a notice in the mail that they would issue a warrant if he wasn't licensed. A license to be a dog??? Are you Kidding? Really? Seriously? Welcome to my life folks.

Would you go to jail for this face?

So...what are you doing with your blip on the radar screen of life? Is it what you want to be doing? Tell me what it is you really, really, really want. I really, really, really want to know. Really.