What makes us love what we love?

Lilly lovvvvveeeeesssss horses. She is an all around animal lover but horses seem to really be her thing right now. On the road to our new house there are five different spots with horses and she knows each one and we usually stop at every place and admire these gracious giants. I also love horses but have been afraid of them and can only remember riding one time. My father was very over protective and there were certain things I just knew he wouldn't allow. Horses were on the list. Too dangerous. Growing up my neighbor had a horse that I was around and I begged for my own for a short while but no such luck. He told me that I would only take care of it for a little while and than I wouldn't want it anymore. Maybe that's true. As my cousin would say "hard sayin', not knowin' ".

 I have some friends coming over to make art today. I love to do art!!! Especially with other people. All that creativty just makes my heart soar. We made a lot of art when we were waiting to go pick up Lilly. We made it to sell at the fundraiser. It was mildly successful but the fun we had was over the top. Every Saturday for weeks we gathered together in a small out building on our property and we made art. We lit the woodstove, ate cookies, drank chai, played music and mostly we felt inspired. Inspired by the dream of children and inspired by all the creativity flying around. That was when the dream got so much bigger than adopting Lilly. Never before did I realize how incredibly passionate I was about the orphan crisis in the world. I was absorbed in my life and did not see the bigger picture. I love how God works. It was always God's plan to be short of funds just before we received Lilly's referral. It was this discomfort that forced me to expand my vision and to grow so much. It was humbling myself this way that allowed me to open my heart and see that Lilly represented 143 million orphans worldwide (the number is bigger now but was 143 million at that time). I have stalled over the past two years not knowing exactly how to do what I dream of doing. I am going to have to put down a cushion for my knees soon! I continue to ask for guidance and it is coming. I find it simply amazing how passions are born that you didn't even know you had inside of you. That in itself is a miracle. I can tell you that there is NOTHING that I feel more passionate about than adopting more children into our family and encouraging others to do the same. This has been placed in and on my heart and I vow to do whatever I can to make this number smaller while I am here on this earth.

We are here to serve.

That is the reason to get our structures stable, to secure our financial situation and live without worry over our committemnts so that we can be fully avaible to use our lives to help others.

Period.

I don't mean to sound arrogant but I know this for sure.

So, I don't know what makes Lilly so fascinated with horses or why I feel so compelled to use my life in this way but whatever it is for you, pay attention to it.

Your heart is calling you to it for a reason.

Trust that.

How I Decorate

When I want to decorate I first have to be inspired.

Luckily, inspiration is found anywhere.

 I have to fall in love with something and the

process goes from there.

I could fall in love with a comforter, couch, curtain,

paint sample and then the rest unfolds quite easily.

I "build" the room from the first feeling that this item gave me.

If I don't love it I don't buy it.

Period.

This cuts down on wasteful items, wasteful spending and

creates a room filled with only the things that I truly love.

This seems only fitting since the people and pets that I love will live in these rooms.

That should help explain why I am posting a picture of a bracelet here.

I have fallen in love with the way this bracelet makes me FEEL.

The floor plan in our new house is very open

 in the main living area.

It is framed in such a way that each room is clearly defined yet

completely open to the other rooms.

This is perfect for the way I like to live.

I love to be part of what is happening and a home where

 I was isolated in the kitchen would be depressing

and lonely for me.

As most moms do, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen.

Thankfully, I love to prepare meals

 for my family and cooking is something I really enjoy.

So, back to the decorating.....I envisioned each room

 having it's own feeling

 yet flowing easily into the next room.

I like a cottage style kitchen and

want light cupboards with vintagey blue walls,

soapstone countertops,

my old (and very large) pepsi sign, a very cool old bench that came from somewhere in Europe and dashes of red here and there. The kitchen will not be done when we move in

but I can see the end result

in my mind and will work steadily towards that.

 For the living room I want to feel cozy, cozy and cozy. A place to sink into the couch and read a great book, watch a movie or snuggle in with my husband and kids. I love a couch that swallows me up, lots of pillows, candles and the dog curled up next to a woodstove. Maybe a table in the corner for games and puzzles. I want a soft sage green on the walls, but it can't be too light or too dark. The living room leads to the dining room and when you step in the front door both rooms are right in front of you. I want to paint the dining room walls a very soft yellow, neutral, not sunshiney or daffodil but a yellow that is starting to lean towards the neutrals. But of course it has to be warm and inviting too. I have an old antique table that has lead paint and have been advised that the best thing to do is paint over it and ecapsulate the lead paint. My daughter votes for black, a soft matte black. At first I said no but thinking of the future soapstone counters in the kitchen, this could actually tie the two rooms together very nicely. So....then I started wondering, how in the world am I going to pull this all together. The colors have to feel earthy, but not in that brown, dull, drab way. More in the rich, deep, sensual way. I focus A LOT on the feeling tone I am trying to create when I decorate and color is a huge part of that.

 If the colors are right then the whole room works.

One day I was poking around one of my favorite stores and stumbled upon this bracelet.

And....I fell in love.

All the colors I want, all feeling a bit subdued and smokey but still bold in their own way.

I want my house to feel the way this bracelet makes me feel.

Suddenly it was easy for me to see how I can make this all work. Including the bit of sparkle I  like to add in here and there (see red sparkly beads on the bracelet) I just love me a little bit of sparkle.

Must be the girly girl in me.

I have been living and breathing paint samples all week and have settled on several colors.

I am so excited about this next part.

I have been dreaming of decorating this house before we even broke ground 3 1/2 years ago.

The budget is nearly non-existent at this point so if you are looking for ways to beautify your house on less than a dime, I'm your girl! I started digging out in the garage yesterday and found some dressers and other goodies that will go a long way in creating the look and the feel I want.

This is going to be so much fun!

Stay tuned!

Feeding the crew........

I love when there are lots of people at the house working, each of them doing different things. I like the energy of it all. My father is a contractor and I have been around building and remodeling all of my life. The sound of hammers and saws and the smell of the fresh wood make me feel so comforted. I love the process of turning nothing into something. My cousin was putting up siding, Scott was working on the boiler, the electrician was busy getting things ready for the inspector to come next week and give us the green light for putting up insulation and then sheetrock and then we MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hot dogs gross me out. In a big way. I have been an off again on again vegetarian most of my life and hot dogs top the list for meat that freaks me out.

But it made the guys full and happy and happy workers are always a good thing.

You can't eat hot dogs without chips.

It's a law.

No, really...it is.

Today I found out Gregory, my youngest son, doesn't like mustard.

What's wrong with him?

I think the mustard would have made this photo better.

I can't help it, color is my thing.

It's an obsession.

But I think it's a good one because it makes me happy.

Happy, happy girl.

Lilly was thrilled with her ha gogs (her word for hot dog)

We love her version of it so we now call them ha gogs too.

After running errands for Scott this is what I saw when I pulled in my driveway......

so how was your Wednesday?

My Prayer

It is my fervent prayer that my life be used in the highest way possible to connect orphaned children with loving forever families. I have little baby ideas but sometimes the 'how' is just so loud in my ear. I keep having to tell the voice to be quiet, the how will reveal itself and I will recognize it immediately and take bold action. Can you picture lots and lots and lots of children being bathed, fed, tucked in at night wearing cozy jammies, being read to, being hugged and kissed over and over and over? Can you? I can. It is what makes me want to pay off my debt and live a financially free life so that all of the excess can be used to bring love to these innocent children. Tonight I shall return to my knees as my Grandmother taught me so many years ago.

I am here, please use my life.

I love my new house.....love it, love it, LOVE IT!

Did I mention I love my new house???

Two years ago we were getting ready to go to China to pick up Sweet Lilly and now we are getting ready to move into our dream house. What a perfect time of year for such precious gifts.

If you know us, you know that this journey has had a few bumps in the road but when I am tucked in cozy with my family, wearing jammies, making soup, watching movies, doing puzzles, drinking tea and watching the snow fall outside while we are curled up next to the fire it will all have been worth it.

I want to devote so much more of my time to the orphan crisis in the world and it will be so wonderful to settle into our permanent home and have the building phase over.

Soon the REAL fun begins.....DECORATING!!!

This will be done a budget of approximately $5.00, so stay tuned on how to decorate on a dime!

Paint samples coming soon!

A little story for you.....

I have absolutely no idea why this came to mind yesterday but when it did I thought it would be a great short story to share with you. When I was 19 I had a job at a nursing home.

For three days.

I was a nurses's aide. The third night I had to help hold down an 85 year old woman who had bowel impaction. To be blunt, the nurse had to wear rubber gloves and literally dig the poop out of this poor old lady's butt. Shaking each hard chunk onto a little mat on the side of the bed right next to ME.

I did my duty in the moment, having total compassion for this sweet lady whose sense of dignity was being stripped away with each passing day. But that was my very last day as a nurse's aide. My  mother is a nurse and I was always very proud to say that. Nursing is one of those professions that is just plain noble. I didn't really have dreams of following in my mother's footsteps but if there was any tiny wondering inside of me that experience laid it to rest. Permanently.

But here is the real story:

There was a tiny little bit of a lady that was a resident in this nursing home. Her name was Lucy. Her room looked like none other in that nursing home. No overhead lights, in fact the switch to the overhead light was covered with tape so you couldn't absent mindedly flip it on. The room was dimly lit with antique lamps by her bed and on her dresser. Her dresser was also an anitique with a beautiful mirror attached at the back. Little handmade white doilies everywhere. Her bed was a white canopy and was covered in white sheets, white blankets and you guessed it.....a white bedspread. There must have been at least 15 throw pillows on her bed and each and every one was white. Lucy called them her husbands. She said she never was without a husband until she lived here and she had to have a husband. So the throw pillows were her stand in "husbands". They had to be arranged just so, she was very fussy and particular about how her husbands were handled and displayed. She always wore white cotton nightgowns and had her hair tied up with a white ribbon. Their were stacks of books by her bed and fresh flowers. I assumed at the time she must be very wealthy to live this way. I now know that you can live this beautiful with just a few simple things. You can get beautiful dishes for a dime at the thift store. You can buy an old dresser at a garage sale. Some of my best old linens I have found at the Salvation Army. And those things mean so much to me because even though I don't know the story of some of these items, they do indeed have a story. The expensive things we waste our money on today really aren't that interesting. They were made in a factoy, stored in a warehouse and then sat on shelves getting dusty.
Mass produced and no story to tell.

The three days that I worked there I found myself being drawn to her room. I wanted to hear all about her husbands in the past, her story...where she came from, if she had children, her dreams and most of all I imagined what her home must have looked like if her nursing home room was decorated this way. I have quite a good picture in my mind based on the little I saw in those three days. I have never forgotten her and I think it is because I saw she was a women of substance and style, a bit eccentric but she had standards. She ate her food from a real china plate and her tea from a real cup. She must have had quite a life packed into those 95 years and I am sure she saw many a loss based on the plural use of the word husband. But here she was living in a nursing home, nearing the century mark of her own life and she was still living with such grace and style. It made such an impression on me and I have carried that memory with me all of these years. No matter the circumstance, no matter the loss, no matter the pain, no matter what, do not live your life by the standards of others. Lucy knew that the details in life mattered, it matters what plate you eat your food from, it matters what cup you drink your tea from, it matters where you lay your head and what you wear. Not because we are trying to put on a show for someone but because we are reverent of the life we have been granted. We make the details matter to glorify God and all that is so beautiful in this world
right down to the smallest detail.

Never underestimate how our life can impact another.

Lucy taught me that and so much more in just three short days.

Turning 40.........

This was the year...there was no stalling it, I had to do it. I tried to convince myself otherwise but the days crept nearer and nearer and before I knew it I was on the verge of turning 40.

40

four-0

forty

4x10

Hmmmm.....I would like to say it didn't bother me one bit, but that would be a lie.

It did bother me.

I also felt empowered and very grown up.

My husband asked me what I wanted to do to mark the occasion.

I said "I want to go to henrybella's bakery."

He said "That's it? Pretty simple request. Where is it?"

I nonchalantly said: "Texas."

He didn't miss a beat, he just said "You should go."

So I did.

Did I mention that we live in upstate New York?

This was to be a road trip of the grandest kind.

And here I am at henrybella's with my sweet girls.

Sadly, henrybella's had to close shortly after our visit, but the owner and I share a birthday and she totally inspired me with her blog, her home, her writing, her baking, her dreaming and most of all her faith.

You can visit her at http://www.messythrillinglife.blogspot.com/

She has had lots of changes and continues to inspire me.

Here we are about ready to eat some southern style catfish and greens....

Turning 40 wasn't as bad as I imagined.

It still freaks me out a bit, but it is what it is.

My only option is to embrace it, right?

I have never been the driver on trips that I have taken, I am either with my husband or with Sharlyn and they prefer to drive and I prefer to read the map. Driving this far and this long on my own really was a turning point for me. I really can do anything I set my mind to. I felt proud of myself and kind of amazed and impressed by my bravery. I am so blessed. SO BLESSED. When I decided I wanted to take this trip it had to be low budget. LOW. Like almost no budget. It just so happenened that every 7 hours or so on the exact route I needed to drive to get to henrybella's was a family that we had traveled to China with when we adopted Lilly.They each met me with a smile and a cozy bed and warm meal.

These people have become family.

Bonded for life, and I couldn't be happier.

 So what started out as a crazy idea turned into a reunion with each one of these wonderful families. I never imagined the bonds and the laughter and the LOVE  that would occur between all of us.

Blessed, blessed and blessed.

I'll take 40 anyday.